We want fun adult dating and swinging
I also don’t view sex as for purely expressing my love with my husband. Depending on your needs that can still be fun, but you may eventually want something that more closely resembles a friendship or has some emotional intimacy attached. When we find a great connection with a couple, it’s hard to not want to keep them close, but that’s either how true feelings develop or how you wind up scaring them off for good.
I express that in the little things I do for him and taking care of our family. I just look to my swing friends as friends we sleep with and we do care about their welfare/well-being just as much as our vanilla friends. What we’re working on is allowing our swinger relationships to just be whatever they are and not forcing them to be something they’re not.
Or it better to focus on finding couples for casual hook ups and never seeing them again?
To some extent, it takes experience, combined with starting with a strong relationship.
We tend to get attached to our Vanilla friends but we don’t sleep with them. I have read stories here of couples swapping long term with other couples, becoming close friends. For us, at least from our noob perspective, it seems easy to end up developing feelings.
Like you all, I get attached in my vanilla relationships. I enjoy hanging out with them equally as much as my friends who swing. I wouldn't do something unethical for a play partner but if my wife asked and it was important I would break every rule for her. I am struggling with this right now too— have been texting the husband separately, have had an overnight, sex is super intimate, and saying lots of mushy things to one another. I’m excited, but it activates so many other anxieties (what if our spouses don’t want us to keep seeing each other, what about when it ends, what if he doesn’t feel the same way) that it reminds me why I like being married and in a secure relationship where I don’t have to worry about lines or games as much. We want fun sex with others but we feel with strangers it may not be as fun. We’re having such a hard time with this aspect of the LS as well.
I don’t have sex with my vanilla friends either nor do I chat with them about lifestyle stuff and I’m not trying to make them swingers either. That being said, it feels good and exciting a lot of the time, and it makes sex much better (or it emerged from our intense chemistry during sex). If you want to avoid it, the best way is to have one night stands or see people less often, and frankly to sleep with people you don’t have super strong chemistry with. It blows my mind (respectfully) that you are playing separately with another husband. It’s not so much that we are developing feelings towards couples in a sense that we want to leave each other for them or anything that drastic, but we definitely are feeling the sting of rejection when we don’t hear from certain ones we enjoy.
By that I mean we try and distance ourselves from couples and let them make plans with us, or we will occasionally shoot them a message if we have a free weekend.
We know people who even won’t play with the same couple twice or at least limits it to one meeting per month.