Dating your older brother39s friend
If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life.If you’re in your 50s, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS.He controlled the relationship, at least superficially. We also had different ideas of what qualifies as fun. so we could have the first pick of strawberries at the farmers’ market. But in hindsight, I think we might have just been incompatible.I quickly learned that constantly feeling like a dependent child can be a real boner-killer. I wanted to take ketamine and lie on the floor in public. He also avoided hanging out with my friends—my theory was that he hated feeling like the old man at the party, while he argued that “going to Brooklyn is embarrassing.” And then there was the issue of energy levels: He would come once, and then pronounce his dick out of commission until tomorrow. Realistically, the proverbial conflict of horse tranquilizers versus fresh produce can happen in any relationship, regardless of age.When I was 25, I spent a year dating a man 20 years older than me.Before the Older Man, I’d never been in a relationship with someone of a significantly different age—older or younger—but I had spent my adolescence fantasizing about my teachers bending me over my lab station, so in a way this felt long overdue.Like, relationships are hard enough without your friends warning that your younger boyfriend is “using you.” Chelsea recalled, “In my previous relationship, when I had to tell my parents that I was dating someone nearly 30 years older than me, that was obviously stressful. People would shout stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for my mother, which always totally weirded me out.”Also, there are physical realities.“When you’re dating a young hot person, you’re suddenly like fuck—I have to go to the gym,” Chelsea said. “I definitely have anxieties about my younger girlfriend outgrowing this relationship, because that’s a risk when you have an age gap.”It’s not surprising that dating a young person might highlight your insecurities about aging.
Like for example, it’s been kinda thrilling to be able to say, “Oh, you’ve never had a girl finger your butt before?We were also both newly into BDSM, which realistically was a more significant point of connection than I’d had with most of my age-appropriate exes. In your mid-20s, dating your peers can be harrowing—you’re drowning in a sea of street falafel, mezzanine beds, and entry-level head.So when you meet someone who has clean towels in their bathroom and, like, a , it’s intoxicating.The Older Man was also my editor, which added a power imbalance to the mix—a dynamic we all know can be equal parts problematic and irresistible.People raise their eyebrows at relationships with a significant age gap: If you’re the older guy, you’re creepy and exploitative; if you’re the older woman, you’re both of those things plus delusional about your shelf life.