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It took two years before my wife was able to feel completely at ease when I traveled again.My all-out efforts to break free from lust were critical; if I’d have continued to slip with porn or committed adultery again then she would have had no reason for hope, and our marriage would have been over.It annihilates trust, destroys self-esteem and severs the bonds of love with the cold steel blade of betrayal.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that the spouse should never be told, but that telling her at the present time may not be wise.
On the other hand, telling the spouse is a journey into the unknown; no one can predict how their wife will respond when betrayal is revealed.
She could immediately file for separation or divorce, or she might try to work it out.
In other words, the husband has to die so the wife and their marriage can live.
For this article, I’m taking the approach that the husband is the betrayer, but the reverse happens as well. The big question after adultery has been committed is “do I tell my wife what I’ve done?